Write Like a Pretentious Artist! The Arty Bollocks Generator!

German film director, Werner Herzog.

If you simply must hang your work in a gallery, then here is the tool you’ll need to make just the right impression on your viewing public: The Arty Bollocks Generator.

It’ll flawlessly create your entire artist’s statement for any truly serious and irreproachably artistic endeavor.

Some samples:  ‘My work explores the relationship between the tyranny of ageing and skateboard ethics.’

‘As shifting phenomena become frozen through emergent and personal practice, the viewer is left with a statement of the limits of our world.’

Please be serious, donate to a charity, write a manifesto, and for god’s sake go to a gallery for some bloody education!  Then take yourself to see a fine German movie… film, I meant ‘film.’  Okay?

Now get going.

And for further sublime examples of pretentious statement-making, try Werner Herzog’s film school!

Red Riding Hood Meets Frankenstein – A Film by Ricky Lewis Jr.

Here’s a humorous tribute to the Universal horror films of old.  It was directed by Ricky Lewis Jr. and features a forest, an inn, Frankenstein, Red Riding Hood, an invisible man, vampires, fog and various comedic chills. The production has a large cast who give themselves over entirely to the mood of the piece. There’s a nice underground vibe to the proceedings and the effects are surprisingly good.

The Happymeel: And Now a Word From the American Dream


Aaron Kyle Brushart’s film is a glorious insult to good old American hick bigotry. The hand-drawn characters and the overall sketchy style of this perfectly timed film had me laughing pretty much throughout. It must have been fun to shoot that burger too! Just like in a commercial!

Here’s the filmmaker’s website, http://ahaltintransmission.com.