Reverend Billy Wants New York City and He Can Have It

This is a short documentary called The Gospel According to Reverend Billy, from an outfit called Syndicate of Human Image Traffickers.  This guy looks like a preacher but he’s decidedly against what most preachers seem to be preaching in our angelic little country.  He’s Reverend Billy and he’s running for mayor in New York City.  He thinks Mayor Bloomberg is a corporate Wall Street guy who represents the takeover of the monoculture.  He’s right.  I lived in New York for eight years in the 1980s.  I remember it as being rough, exciting, nervous, overly work-oriented, and dirty.  I visited just a few months ago.  It’s now an open-air mall with a Starbucks and a Gap.  Gee, thanks Rudi Guiliani for your cleanup.  Micky Mouse would feel right at home on Times Square.  New York is also home to the several thousand creeps on Wall Street who are personally responsible for trashing the U.S. economy and running criminal scams on a worldwide scale.  Well, at least we know where they all live, right?  When I lived in the city I worked with many different types of people in many businesses.  I would always give the same advice to my friends and acquaintances who were looking for jobs: Never Never Never work for the money people.  They are vicious and very poorly educated.  I recall working for one of the biggest real estate investors in all of New York.  He owned some of the famous big buildings.  He was also prone to throwing insults around and yelling at employees.  He spent eight hours per day for a full week having meetings in his office about the design for his new closet at home.  On Friday at about 1:00 pm he emerged to ask me about a pile of papers I was supposed to have finished that week.  I had put them all untouched in a pile that I labeled ‘Complete.’  He picked them up and riffled through them for several minutes.  Then he threw them at me and screamed, ‘What the f— do you think you’re doing?’  I picked up the phone while giving him a giant smile and called my employment agency.  I said, ‘I’m going to put you on the phone with Mr.____ and I’d like you to tell him to kiss my ass.’

As I walked down the hall, he was screaming at the top of his lungs, ‘Don’t you people ever even think about sending an a-hole like that over here again!’

Yep, that’s the kind of New York SOB I was back in the 80s.  And I haven’t learned a thing.  I’d still do it on any sunny Friday afternoon.

New York has about as much cultural energy now as Dallas, Texas.  It’s like a zombie apocalypse in Manhattan.  Everyone looks like they’re trudging to the office on a Sunday.  The East Side – Woody Allen’s favorite – is the land of strange men in khaki dockers who buy baskets in small stores.  I’m not sure why Reverend Billy would give a damn about being mayor of a dead city but he’s got my vote of confidence if he wants it.

As for the preacher bit, I’m not sure I like it.  It’s some kind of a joke or then again maybe not.  He likes the vocal patterns of the preacher for sure, but that’s not all of it.  Couldn’t he borrow the vocal technique of the preacher without the costume?  Oh nevermind, that would be Bill Clinton.

Via Coilhouse

2 thoughts on “Reverend Billy Wants New York City and He Can Have It

  1. Molly

    I remember a time when this site was about entertainment for kids – what happened? The negativity and use of profanity by the Editor in posts is quite sad. Yeah, it is your site and you can say and do whatever you want, but there are so many better platforms in which to do that.

    Compare the content below on Candlelight Stories older site’s homepage, and it is a great example of what the site used to be, and what it has become.
    http://candlelightstories.com/indexOLDSITE.php

    One of the low-points recently was in a Bob Dylan commercial where you called people idiots if they owned Escalades. (No I don’t own one) You often speak intelligently about the ignorance that currently rules society, but along the way, you’ve started to sound like the very thing you’re sounding off on. You’ve said recently that people should avoid Candlelight Stories if they can’t take the heat, well, I am happy to oblige you on that. There was never anything on this site that was too harsh or out of line for the right forum, but when you’re supposed to be a children’s site, you clearly could care less for your intended audience. I don’t know call me crazy, but a kids site should have content that is geared towards children.

    Reply
    1. Editor Post author

      I’m responding to Molly’s comment because I think it’s an important one.

      Molly, WE ARE NOT A KIDS SITE. Do you get it? We clearly state that at the top of our blog. We are for a mature audience. What we used to be has nothing to do with what we are now beyond the inclusion of some wonderful children’s stories, games, and animations that we are very proud of. But we are most unashamedly not for children. We are happy to include some children’s content now and then, just the way any good bookstore might include children’s books on its shelves along with grown-up material.

      I make no apologies for calling people idiots who drive Escalades or any other SUV. Candlelight Stories is proud to call an idiot an idiot. We don’t care who we offend or whether they come back to the site or not. There are plenty of sites out there for 4-year-olds. Go enjoy them. Disney.com will be glad to have you. I have absolutely no patience for this kind of ‘you used to be a better site’ nonsense. As for the use of profanity, well, we are adults writing for adults and if profanity is required in our posts, then it shall be used.

      And let me say it again with all the negativity I can muster: People who drive Escalades are idiots and should not come to our site. They should go and choke on their emissions.

      In case there’s someone who hasn’t noticed yet, here’s our Candlelight plan: to burn out our audience of home-school nitwits who for some reason misinterpreted our book and candle logo as having some sort of religious significance. Our book represents intellect. Our candle is a light to read with. Understand?

      Reply

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